July 12, 2015 was the day I assigned myself to attend orientation. At the University of Michigan, the process takes about three days, which means two nights staying in a dorm with people I didn't know, or frankly want to know. But it gave me the perfect amount of time to process how I felt about the school and the people around me. Here are the five stages I went through during my experience at orientation.
Stage 1: Shock
Actually being able to step onto campus, without my mother by my side was, well, horribly scary. With just one not-so-swift movement out of the car and on the curb of East University, I stepped onto a whole new world around me. A world that I was convinced would not exist until I actually moved in. A world I thought I fell in love with at first sight during the campus tour. My eyes grew wide, fear grew in my stomach, anxiousness flooded, and I began the orientation process. I was as if I didn't --no, couldn't--believe that I was going to have a whole new world to immerse myself in in September. My mind could not process everything around me, and I felt stuck to say the least. A sea of unfamiliar faces kept passing by, and they all seemed to know where to be, what to do, and who to be. And I couldn't seem to get myself to get off that curb.
Stage 2: Denial of Self
I got off off the curb. I noticed there was an opportunity that I knew I was good at: meeting new people. In high school, I said “hi” to everyone in the hallways. Over 1,000 kids attended Grosse Pointe North, and I made it a duty of mine to be friendly to all of them. I made a new friend every day, I was voted “Most Memorable” in the mock elections. But, I was told you don’t do that in college. I was told that you don’t wave hello to people that don’t know you. I figured it was orientation, and it was the perfect time to be myself, but a small part of me thought maybe it was time to leave my old self behind and build a new, better self for college, and that it may as well start now. So, I became one of the cattle, and blended in with the rest of the orientees until I was forced to socialize by the leaders of our group.
Stage 3: Empty Friendships
The forced socialization of our orientation leaders lead to empty conversation, which then lead to empty commitment such as: "We should DEFINITELY sit together at lunch." This then resulted in seeing that person already sitting with a table full of other people come lunchtime. The cycle then started up again, and more empty commitments were made and not fulfilled.
Stage 4: Acceptance of Self
So, my lack of socialization didn't actually help in the socializing department--go figure. I felt alone, even more scared, ad feeling stuck again. That is when I decided something: to say “screw what everyone else told me” and to just be who I am go meet new people. I felt much more confident just telling myself to be myself. I was smiling a lot more, I noticed peole came up to me more, and I sort of felt the way they want you to at orientation: welcome.
Stage 5: Actual Friendships
When I decided to actually be myself, I found it a lot easier to make real (possibly lasting) friendships. I was going up to a lot more people, and collecting a lot more phone numbers for the fall. At one point I saw a guy sitting alone at lunch and I went up to him and talked to him. We actually became friends and still talk to this day and have made many plans for the fall semester.
I guess what I attempted to show throughout my five stages of orientation was that it wasn’t until I realized that I didn’t want to change myself for college that I felt truly comfortable where I was. No, it is NOT bad to want to become someone a little different when you go away to school, I completely encourage everyone to leave whatever past they want to forget from high school behind. But, I also encourage to keep a strong sense of self with you as well, wherever you go, because you’ll not only be more accepting of your school environment, but of the people and yourself as well.